It ain't nothin but another day..

this sucks..i know im better off without nicholas…but when i see his face or hear his name, i miss him. i cant help it. 2 years together, committed relationship…i never cheated on him…i never wanted to. he was the most perfect guy I’ve ever known. i never got bored of him, he was sexy. but he broke my heart already once, a year ago. and i don’t think i ever fully forgave him. that’s why it was so easy to leave him this time. i know i could do better, get treated better..find a guy who actually would rather spend some time with me instead of his friends 24/7. but i don’t blame him..hes 20, so young..he should be nowhere close to settling down yet and i really shouldn’t have asked him to..why do i let him get to me? why do i let him make me so sad? WHY DO I CARE SOOO MUCH?!? its so exhausting..i know i wasn’t fully happy, basically felt like i was living a lie. what do i do??